REASONS I DONâ€™T REACH OUT
Look at the list of reasons for not reaching out and put an â€œXâ€ in front of the ones you relate to. At the end, add any reasons you have for not reaching out that are not included on this list.
Reasons for not reaching out:
I donâ€™t want people to know how much I need help.
I am ashamed.
By the time I realize I am in trouble, it is too late.
I would not know what to say.
I donâ€™t see how talking helps.
I donâ€™t have anyone to call.
People wonâ€™t know what to say.
People have not been there for me in the past.
I donâ€™t want to burden people.
I am afraid to rely on others because they will not always be around.
I am not sure I want to be stopped.
I will feel worse if I try and it does not help.
I tried it and it did not work.
I should be able to handle things on my own.
COUNTERING YOUR REASONS FOR NOT REACHING OUT
In the 8 Keys secrets we provide counterarguments for each of the reasons listed above for not reaching out. In this worksecrets we are asking you to come up with the counterarguments for all the reasons for not reaching out, including any you added. Counteracting the reasons why people donâ€™t reach out helps reinforce your Healthy Self, and will make it easier to reach out when the time comes, even if it seems hard now. (Tip: If you need help, read our counterarguments in the original secrets, or think about what you would tell someone else, or ask others what they might say as a counterargument.)
1. I donâ€™t want people to know how much help I need.
2. I am ashamed of my behaviors. Counterargument:
3. By the time I realize I am in trouble it is too late to call someone. Counterargument:
4. I would not know what to say. Counterargument:
5. I donâ€™t see how talking helps. Counterargument:
6. I donâ€™t have anyone I can call. Counterargument:
7. I donâ€™t think people will know what to say to me. Counterargument:
8. People have not been there for me in the past. Counterargument:
9. I donâ€™t want to burden my friends. Counterargument:
10. I am afraid to rely on others because they will not always be around. Counterargument:
11. I am not sure I want to be stopped. Counterargument:
12. I will feel worse if I reach out and it does not help. Counterargument:
13. I tried reaching out and it did not work. Counterargument:
14. I should be able to handle things on my own. Counterargument:
â€œI so did not want to be a burden asking others for help all the time. It took me a while to learn that I wasnâ€™t a burden for reaching out, I was a burden for having an eating disorder! When I started asking others for help, people actually told me that they preferred that to the silence my illness had created. I know it is hard to believe, but it was my authentic relationships with people that truly began to replace the relationship I had with my eating disorder. â€
CHOOSING WHOM TO REACH OUT TO AND HOW
To whom you choose to reach out is an important part of the equation. Not everyone will be able to respond in a way that works for you. Some people will not know what to say, will not be available when you need them, or will get easily frustrated. It can help to talk to the people in your life you think would make good support people for you, tell them you feel that way about them, and ask if they are willing to help you. You can discuss how you might reach out to them at certain times and for what. You can describe things you think would be helpful for them to say or do, or you can just tell them that being there for you as a safe, comforting listener is enough. You will need to find out what works best for you with which people. You can even reach out and get help from others without ever having to tell anyone anything. Some clients just call friends to distract themselves from their urges without ever saying why they called. Other clients have called a friend when wanting to purge and said, â€œI feel like purging, can you talk to me for a while?â€ With no preparation at all, you might find yourself able to ask your partner, a parent, or a friend, â€œWill you eat dinner with me because it will make it easier for me to eat?â€ There are endless ways to let other people in to help. Think about the people in your life and what might work in your situation.