A successful marriage depends upon many factors love, sympathy, mutual understanding, admiration, similar interests, congeniality of tastes, and many other things, as well as mere sexual relations. The happiest and most enduring marriages are those in which these are taken into consideration; for, after the first raptures of love have quieted down, the husband and wife may suddenly discover that they have very little in common, with the result that they inevitably drift apart. These things should all be discussed freely and frankly before marriage; and the couple should learn to know one another in these ways, instead of rushing into marriage merely because a certain magnetic attraction has brought them together, and made them desire one another from the purely physical point of view. Many young people fail to realize this; and because of the lack of this preliminary understanding, soon find that they have but little in common, and that their hasty marriage has gone on the rocks‚.
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Marriages based entirely on sexual attractions rarely last long.
The man owes it to his wife to see that she enjoys the marriage relationship as much as he does, for nature intended that the sexual act should be mutually harmonious and pleasurable. In order to insure this, the husband should endeavor to understand his wife, her needs and cravings. As we have elsewhere emphasized, a woman is more slowly aroused than a man, hence any direct contact must be led up to gradually. She must first be properly stimulated. There are certain parts of a woman's body which are highly sensitive; and touching, stroking or caressing these areas will rouse her to a high pitch of excitement. Chief among these are the lips, neck, breasts, thighs, hips, and the sexual organs themselves, especially the clitoris. Some of these may be stimulated by means of the lips and fingers, others by the penis itself. Allowing the fingers to stray lightly over the body will cause highly pleasurable feelings in the woman, and will cause the vagina to be lubricated by a natural flow of mucous, which will make the love act more easy and delightful to both. The scrotum and penis in the man are also extremely sensitive, and readily respond to delicate stimulation by the fingers of the woman. Such love-play should always be a preliminary to the consummation of the sex act.
Haste should always be avoided; lovers should relax in one another's arms before proceeding to the act itself, and feel free to take plenty of time in preliminary love-play. Partly because of this, the best times for such indulgence is either just before going to sleep at night, or the first thing in the morning, when both husband and wife are rested and refreshed. The sex act should leave both parties stimulated; and if either of them feels undue exhaustion, this indicates that something is wrong. Either intercourse has been indulged in too often, or it has not been carried out properly. Such intimate contacts should result in a flow of vital magnetism between them, which always occurs when the two persons involved really love one another.
Married couples are often at a loss to know how many times intercourse can and should be indulged in. This depends almost entirely upon the individuals. Some men and women are more strongly sexed than others, and can undertake it far more frequently. Nervous and mental types may be highly erotic; but they should nevertheless be more circumspect, as they are drawing upon their reserves of energy; while the physical type of man or woman has this in abundance. Newly-weds are, as a rule inclined to indulge too freely; while many men, after some years of married life, do not satisfy their wives often enough. Some authorities state that every night is not too much for young, healthy individuals; but as men and women grow older, twice or three times a week should be as often as they should indulge. The general rule is that intercourse may be indulged in as often as desired, provided it does not leave the partners depleted. An occasional period of abstinence will often be found beneficial, and will serve to heighten the pleasure of both husband and wife when again resumed. The nerve-cells of the body have a chance to become recharged, in this way (much as the battery in your car is recharged) with the result that a higher level of vitality is maintained. Nothing is more fatal than allowing the sex act to become matter-of-fact or monotonous in any way. It should be kept ever fresh and tantalizing. This is always the case if there is true love between husband and wife, which sublimates and spiritualizes their union. The act itself is the expression of this love.
When the time for love-making arrives, the cares and worries of the day should be dismissed from the mind, and the act indulged in without haste and in a leisurely manner. If possible, both husband and wife should reach their ultimate climax at the same time, as this will be found to give the greatest pleasure and satisfaction. If this is not possible, the wife should be allowed to reach hers first, as it is possible for a woman to continue afterwards, whereas, a man finds difficulty in doing so. In this way, the wife is assured of her satisfaction; while, if the husband has his orgasm before she does, she is left with a feeling of loss and frustration. This may lead to ultimate frigidity.
Bear in mind that there is nothing disgraceful in enjoying the sex act; and the wife should participate in this as fully as the husband. Divorces are constantly on the increase, and many reasons are given for seeking a divorce; but it is undoubtedly true that, if harmony existed in the love life, the number of these would decrease enormously. Love is the basis of marriage, and sex is its physical expression. If this is constantly pleasur-able to both parties, relatively few marriages would prove unhappy or unsuccessful.